AAt 7.12am on the day we speak, Dr Hilary Caldwell is running naked into Canberra’s Lake Burley Griffin for the annual winter solstice swim. It was an exciting start to a big day. At 11 a.m., she returned to her desk for another adventure: speaking publicly for the first time about being a sex worker.
Caldwell never spoke about her sex work to reporters, and almost never to anyone outside her intimate circle, with whom she practiced what to say. Even her adult children didn’t know about it until recently, ahead of her new book, “Sluts: Reclaiming Shameless Sexuality.”
“They’re really supportive,” Caldwell said. “They knew about the book, but they thought it had to do with my academic work. Now, guess what? Mom is a sex worker. Coming out to the world wasn’t as difficult as coming out to my kids. I had less to lose. Much less.
Slutdom expands on Caldwell’s PhD Women Buying Sex in Australia, the world’s first study of women buying sex.
“When I first started this research, people didn’t think it was happening enough to justify a PhD,” she said. “Now people say, ‘Everyone knows women buy sex,’ which I find very comforting.”
Her book blends academic research, interviews with sex workers and women who use sex workers, and Caldwell’s own experiences. Her colleagues at the University of New South Wales, where she studied for her PhD, and the University of Sydney, where her master’s degree focused on men who buy prostitutes, were unaware she was a sex worker. At the time, she only felt it was safe to identify herself as a nurse and sex therapist, which included counseling sex workers in the ACT. But keeping her sex work secret, while trying to reduce the stigma, was a source of stress.
“When I stood on the podium, I was actually challenged twice: ‘Excuse me, are you a sex worker? Do you have the right to talk about this? ‘ I denied it. Note to viewers: Challenging someone to come out in public can be a very dangerous thing, as some people are at greater risk than others. I’m considering an ex-partner, child custody, or homelessness.
Despite these concerns, Slutdom is still a pleasure to watch and its mission is to work toward a “slutopia” where all women can achieve sexual freedom and where there is no “pleasure deficit” based on gender.
One woman she interviewed believed sex work should be treated on the same level as self-care and spa days. The other person wants to know as much as possible about her desires and body. Another said her psychiatrist told her she might have saved money on treatment by seeing a sex worker.
I wonder if there is a prime time for women to consider using a sex worker? Maybe in middle age? But Caldwell’s interviewees ranged from those who started looking for sex workers at age 18 to those who started looking for sex workers at 69.
“There is no common age, but there is a common stage in their self-development,” she said. “Are they ready to leave behind the shame they’ve been taught?”
Many women who have met sex workers say safety is a key reason why they pay for sex. Anyone who’s ever browsed a dating app, where many men describe themselves as “doms” but show no experience with kink etiquette or aftercare, can attest to how important this is. Some women find it difficult to ask their partners to use condoms; for sex workers, this is a given. Advantages of other reports? Feel free from judgment, feel more confident in your body and learn new skills.
Caldwell said women are very rigorous when it comes to doing their research, but she still has some advice for people looking for sex workers.
“Look at their website, look at their social media. Look at how long they’ve been around, who’s following them, who they’re following,” she said. For example, it’s a good sign if they follow top organizations like the Scarlet Alliance, an Australian sex worker organization.
“One of the red flags – especially in ads for male sex workers – is the extent and the way they talk about themselves. If they’re just talking about the size of their penis, you might expect there to be more to the sexual experience than just that.
In 2003, when she was first starting out as a sex worker herself, she placed an ad in the newspaper. She rented a separate space in her home and hired a local security guard for her first few shifts.
“It takes a different kind of courage than going into a brothel, where there’s camaraderie,” she said. “I’ve only met one sex worker in my life, and that was just a week ago at a swingers party. She said, ‘You can get paid for this!
Caldwell had just ended a 15-year marriage with which he had four children. Even though she worked shifts as a nurse, her financial situation was still difficult.
“I’ve always loved sex, and I thought to myself, ‘If I had more money, I could actually be a better mother.'” It wasn’t just food on the table, but school excursions, and not having to worry about them Require. Then I realized on day one how much I would love sex work.
As she writes in the book—in true nursing style—she loves “taking care of people who crave skin.” That was more than 20 years ago, but Caldwell still has early customers.
“I still have some younger clients, particularly in education services and people with disabilities, but most are my age or older,” she said. “As we age, we become more emotional and less physically focused. You become more patient and understand the value of this emotional connection.
Over the years, Caldwell, who identifies as queer, has become more political, inspired by protests such as Take Back the Night and Slut Walks. She hopes a popular movement around silence and shame around sex work can do what the #MeToo movement has done on sexual assault.
“I heard a beautiful statement when I was attending an exhibition about Wicked Women, a lesbian porn magazine from the 1980s,” she said. “Some say queer people in the eighties had no elders because the movement was just starting. So they pioneered queer community and acceptance. Now in 2024, they are the elders. I think the sex worker community will follow that A little bit – it’s a natural progression.
There are so many podcasts for young women discussing sex, and the fact that sex work is so much less stigmatized today with the rise of subscription platforms like OnlyFans “warms her heart.” On top of this, nearly half of Australia’s states and territories now have a decriminalization model.
“My decision to come out now is based on safety concerns,” she said. “Over the years, I have faced tremendous challenges to my privacy and security. Yet in 2024, I came out on my own terms.
