You should never be indecisive about your sleep schedule
If someone has a headache, you would never reply: “That’s funny, my head feels great.” For some reason, the mention of insomnia triggers a chorus of: “I slept like a baby!”; “When My head hits the pillow!” It’s annoying any time, but around the holidays, sleep-deprived people reach a breaking point and they turn around. If you can sleep peacefully, stay quiet. Let your bright eyes and dewy complexion do the talking.
Natural deodorants are not suitable for outdoor living
In any idyllic pastoral setting, you might be tempted to eschew chemical aid in favor of tea tree or tree bark or whatever. Well, go for it, but after half an hour in the festival grounds, stomping between stages, don’t expect to smell anything but your own sweet self.
The demand for lesbian bars is limitless
Scissors, co-founded by Laura Woodroffe, is the first lesbian bar in the festival’s history. I know, weird: were the 80s asleep? Regardless, it has it all – hairdressers, pool tables, secret nightclubs – and anyone can join the queue. But how many people will stay inside all weekend? It turns out, a lot.
Take a shower before going to bed – even at home
It felt so wrong, like eating cereal for dinner, or turning your clothes inside out. But once you break the habit of morning cleansing time, you’ll find that it’s actually liberating. Especially if you hate getting wet in the first place, you can fall asleep and forget it ever happened.
Adults, given a ball, will play with it (See also: Given Confetti, will keep it)
They think they are mature, adults, with a sense of time and protein shakes. Throw a giant inflatable football at a group of them, however, and they’ll keep up with it with cat-like, demonic intensity.
you shouldn’t wait Musicians tell you to hug each other; just do it
The cynical part in you: “Gee, they learned this in stage school. Whenever the performers need to take a breath, they tell everyone in the audience to turn around and hug each other.
You hug your friend: “Man, I love this friend. Why don’t I hug them more often?”
You, hugging a stranger: “You look fine, do you want some gum?”
Why not combine all of these selves and embrace others more often?
Ten thousand steps has been a thing of the past decade; if you can walk 10k, you can walk 30k
Think big. Stop being so rushed, whether it’s traffic or whatever.
If you lose your voice, you should try not to talk
It feels like a badge of honor, losing your voice after yelling all night and then you clarifying (“I didn’t scream at the Bootleg Beatles, I screamed at Little Simz”) , and then you write a fake apology (“Sorry, I was so gross, look, I’ve been having fun”). But the problem is, no one can hear you.
What summer means for little boys and girls
Charli xcx defines this kid as: “a pack of cigarettes, a Bic lighter and a white strappy top with no bra” and it’s her album so she should know. However, it has taken on a life of its own, with people making their own Brat merch and borrowing from the post-pandemic “hot girl summer” ethos. Want to have a chick summer, yes, smoke first and wear no underwear; other than that, there are no rules to break, but whatever you do, you need to do it in an understanding and winning way.
Joining a girl band will make you immortal
No, no, I’m not saying Mel C looks great or that Sugababes can still draw surprising crowds. They all possess an undiminished vitality that makes it difficult to imagine them suffering from humanity’s oldest weakness: death.
A certain type of man will cross the street to tell you why you shouldn’t like Coldplay
He may not be part of your group, but he will overhear you talking to your friends, or maybe on your way to see Coldplay. He would explain how they were actually very corny and now more of a children’s entertainer. But then he would retort that even in the beginning, they were garbage, and then he would list some other bands that you should like. These are nothing like Coldplay. In the old days, before the Internet, this guy would throw your Coldplay CD out the window if he were in your house. You should not let this man into your house. In the olden days, before Coldplay, this guy would cross the street and tell you why you shouldn’t like Philip Larkin.
In a crowd, you have to learn when to stop pushing
Fortune favors the brave and so on; you should never stand on the edge like a dormouse, dreaming of orgies. But being able to tell how many swear words you can take before you accept your place in the crowd is a life skill that will also serve you well at busy stations and royal events.
Men’s football makes people feel bad; women’s football makes them feel good
It’s an ongoing debate whether Glastonbury will show England on Sunday night, half fans think they should and global fans think they shouldn’t because if they lose the place will stink Infuriated, not the fans who didn’t care, all women’s football fans said: Last year at the Green Man screening of the Women’s World Cup, England lost and everyone ended the game in a wild good mood. Quantum ED.
The mustache is back (again)
When young people first started growing mustaches, it was so that if they got lost, you’d know to send them back to east London. It was ironic for a while after that, and then all the people started doing it for charity. Now they just do it because they think it looks good, and many of them do it. Well done, man with the mustache.
There is always one People who over-perceive risks
In normal life, this person will tell you that your shoelaces are undone, or the zipper on your bag is open, and you have to correct your sloppiness and thank them, even though you’re still happy. Every holiday season, these people go into overdrive, seeing danger everywhere, and their minds keep fast-forwarding to the moment when a trash can attracts rats, and then, boom, everyone is infected with cholera.
I was watching with rapt attention at LCD Soundsystem, and a woman told her friend that someone had better pick up that orange in case anyone stepped on it. Someone did pick it up. But what now? Sadly, the second lady’s risk awareness was so low that she threw it and hit someone on the head. It’s best to leave the oranges where they are.
It’s solved. It’s OK if you have food to eat.
Don’t worry if your mac and cheese tastes like elastic bands made from Dairylea. Your appetite is infinitely self-replenishing. It will find love again.
Fireworks never get old
You might think that unpredictability is a major component of excitement, so completely predictable fireworks are no longer for you. This is not correct. You know what Gandhi said – even an indoor firework is better than nothing.
You know the concept: take your trash home? You can also bring your festive personality home with you
Perhaps, in the festive atmosphere, you become warmer and more open; you smile more easily, are more tolerant of noise and unexpected events, and view problems more positively. You know you can do this at home, right?
There’s a right and wrong way to lend, steal, borrow or unplug your charger
Let’s imagine someone needs a charger: emphatically don’t start: “Let me see.” First, understand exactly what they need; USB-C, Lightning, micro, or something else? Do they need a base or just a lead? The moment you say you’re looking for something in their mind, that means you’re going to find one: so when you don’t find it, you leave a huge disappointment in their mind.
If you ask to borrow something, don’t overinvest in the lender because they probably won’t read my first rule and chances are they won’t do it.
In a shared power supply environment, never unplug less than 25% of the power supply.
There is a trick to getting service
That’s the scene; you’re right in front of the bar but there are 20 people and only 3 staff; if you’re not sure who can serve you next, send out. “That guy is next,” you said charmingly, pointing to your neighbor. You are then guaranteed service.
You need to remember some people’s names
Anyone you see regularly – if you like the same cafe and often pass the same turnstiles – introduce yourself and remember the names of anyone who comes back. This way, if you want to say “thank you,” it will sound like you mean it.
you should change your shoes
Carry two pairs with you and swap them. It keeps you on your toes.
…and share your sunscreen
You can be generous: it’s like the magic porridge pot, sunscreen – it never runs out. Plus, if you act in concert, bringing a couple of simple necessities (sunglasses, lip balm, vape juice, and, if you’re that nasty, wet wipes) will make you more popular than you objectively deserve .
Goodbye novelty yoga, hello (again) Joe Wicks
Power Ballad Yoga is the silly end point of a seemingly eternal meditative practice that seems to need to constantly refresh itself with goats and nudity. Joe Wicks, on the other hand, once the savior of lockdown, is now taking his workouts to festivals with nothing but his own amazing energy.
