timeThe strange incident of a dog that doesn’t bark at night. Exactly a year ago today, Rishi Sunak launched the first of his many restart plans by announcing his five commitments in a speech. Over the next few months, the promise degraded first to commitment and then to vague wish. These commitments were chosen not because they were difficult, but because they were not difficult. Come 2024, he’ll be able to boast that he’s not a total loser.
Now the election year is coming and…nothing. Typically, the Prime Minister chooses to give a large speech to mark the occasion. Some conservative donors and supporters made up a slew of hacks to cover every word. Every news network has live television. This month, not so much. Sunak appears ashamed of his record and is trying to fly under the radar. His latest reboot — the mildest of them all — is shrouded in secrecy. A private performance for your own benefit.
That doesn’t look like Rish! Any good news to convey? The only one of his five promises he kept was to halve inflation. And it has nothing to do with him. It’s just that global energy prices are falling. So he still has four crosses left on his scorecard. Even the die-hard Tory media, accustomed to seeing Sunak do the best in everything he does, won’t try to pretend he’s succeeded.
So on Thursday morning, Sunak snuck out of Downing Street, unaccompanied by the media, to meet a bemused crowd at a youth center in Nottinghamshire. Rish! Try to inject some positivity into the occasion. Look on the bright side, he said. 2024 will be slightly better than 2023. Long live! Although many economists say otherwise. They all think the economy will hit bottom, with zero growth. But hey! At least we’re not headed for another recession. happy time. We will all continue to become more broke, but more slowly. I still can’t afford things. It just takes a little longer for us to notice that prices are still rising too quickly.
The best news is that there will definitely be a general election in 2024. Although this is not good news for Rish! Currently, the Conservatives are 17 points behind in the polls. So, by this time next year, he’ll be out of a job, sitting on a beach in Malibu polishing his resume, and interviewing with Elon Musk. However, at least he no longer has to live off the meager salary of the prime minister. He can barely afford the Peloton subscription.
“My working assumption,” he said, “is that we’ll have an election later this year.” Nothing. He sounded like he didn’t know the timing of the election was well within his power. Maybe he’s even dumber than we thought. No one really thought seriously at the time that he would call an election in May. The idea was only touted by Labour, so when Sunak delayed it he would look weak. Come on, boys. Why Reish! Will he knowingly relinquish his position as Prime Minister in May when he can hold on for another six months? Why give away more freebies and gadgets? Not to mention the opportunity to further damage the country and make life even trickier for the incoming Labor government.
Instead, Keir Starmer performed the massive set-piece in front of TV cameras. Take numerous questions from a variety of media outlets. Not just True Blue journalists, like Sunak. You can almost see the axes of power moving before your eyes. The world turns. The country is captivated by its new, past and future kings. A real Prime Minister.
Many saw the speech at the National Composites Center in Bristol as another opportunity for the Labor leader to redefine himself to an indifferent public. Get rid of the constraints of boring appearance and reveal your true inner personality.
However, this misses the point. Because the truth is, Starmer is a bit slow. Kinda worth it. But that’s his strength. Obviously, his boredom isn’t necessarily a good thing for me. Sketch writers like their politicians to be larger than life, their character flaws too obvious.
But the country needs a Prime Minister who can be trusted to do the right thing. So we don’t have to listen to the news five times a day to find out what new clusterfuck we’ve encountered.
So what about the speech? It covers all the bases of public service, doing the right thing and restoring trust in politics. Policy details are sparse. There are no unfunded tax cuts, just promises to unlock growth “levers.” Why didn’t previous prime ministers think of doing this? But that’s a quibble.
The point is it’s all easy to listen to. Some journalists insist they still don’t know what Labour’s purpose is. What will it do. It’s either a category error or they’re not listening. Because Starmer has told us many times. His five missions. You may not like them. They may not be very exciting. But they are hiding in plain sight.
Starmer is not promising a revolution. He’s not that kind of person. Much of what he promises is much the same, just done right. well-done. He was not a voice of protest. He is the spokesperson of the government. This is a relief after 14 years of Conservative rule.
