Tom Lockyer says he “literally died” after suffering a harrowing cardiac arrest on the pitch in December for two minutes and 40 seconds.
The Luton captain spoke at length for the first time since going down in the 59th minute of the Caps’ Premier League clash with Bournemouth, admitting “he had no control” if he played professional football again.
“It’s just a normal day and that’s the biggest worry because I feel fine,” Lockyer told Sky Sports Before Luton’s home game against Manchester United. “I’ve been looking for answers ever since, but I haven’t been able to find any because it’s just another day at the office.”
Lockyer was fitted with an implantable cardioverter defibrillator and spent five days in hospital following the incident at Vitality Stadium on December 16. The centre-back suffered a similar collapse during the Championship play-off final win over Coventry City at Wembley in May but was told he could play again.
“I felt very dizzy running towards the midfield line. I thought I was going to be fine soon, but that wasn’t the case,” Lockyer added. “I woke up and the paramedics were there. I immediately realized this was different from my meltdown in May. Last time I woke up from a dream, this time I woke up from nothingness.”
“I could see people panicking more and I was a little disoriented. I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t move. I was trying to figure out what was going on and I remember thinking, ‘I could die here.’ ” It was a surreal thought, impossible to respond to, and you could see the panic happening.
Lockyer continued: “I could feel them putting the drip on my arm and I had mixed emotions. Eventually I came to and was able to speak and respond. When I felt okay, I was thankful that I was still okay. Stay alive.”
“After what happened in May, I had a recording device on my chest and I was out for 2 minutes and 40 seconds,” the 29-year-old continued. “My family had to watch this and it was the hardest. They were in a worse situation than I was. My old man was there [at the match] My girlfriend was seven months pregnant at the time.
“My mum was at home listening to the radio. After Bournemouth scored she went to make a cup of tea and when she came back my brother had turned off the radio. She asked why and he just said to her [I had] Lost the ball again. It’s the big picture that people don’t see, and it’s the hardest part to deal with.
“I’m not going to lie, it’s been a rough few months,” Lockyer admitted. “I don’t know if I’ve processed what happened. I don’t know if it’s going to come back and bite me in the ass, but I haven’t had any emotion since that happened. I’m really dead, but I’ve been pretty cool since then The whole thing has been numbing.”
Lockyer also praised Luton head coach Rob Edwards for his support. “I couldn’t speak any higher of the man if I tried,” he said. “He came to see me and my family, which shows what an incredible person he is. It makes you want to break through brick walls for him – although obviously that’s hard for me to do at the moment.”
Lockyer, who has made 16 appearances for Wales, hopes to eventually return to the top flight but will undergo further testing. “I will be guided by the medical staff and experts. If I have the opportunity to compete again – and I will not do anything against medical advice – then I will be happy to do so.”
“But it’s too early to say that. Some tests have to be done in the background. But I’m not going to give up just yet.” added Lockyer, who began his youth career with his hometown club Cardiff and has played in football Played for Bristol Rovers and Charlton Athletic in the league.
“If I’m not allowed to play again, then I can say I captained Luton and scored a goal in the Premier League,” he concluded. “I’ve been lucky enough to have had some great moments in my career and scoring Premier League goals is something you dream about as a kid. I’m so grateful to be alive. I’ve got this device now and I feel almost invincible. “
