oxygenJordan Gill was contemplating taking his own life when he drank a liter of vodka in a field in Cambridgeshire on June 30 last year. It was the night before his 29th birthday, early Friday morning, and in his own words, “just a normal, sunny day. I woke up and didn’t know what to do with myself.”
On a very different Friday morning we sit a foot apart in a boxing gym in Harlow. The room was empty except for a few heavy objects and utensils. Gill and Zelfa Barrett take to the ring for a high-profile super-featherweight bout in Manchester on Saturday night. But now he stopped, then returned to darkness and despair.
He was an intelligent man who had been given the opportunity to study at some of the UK’s most prestigious universities, and reliving these painful memories made him feel briefly violated. Gill, who is of Sikh descent, would love to become the first boxer of Indian origin to win the world title in professional boxing. Ever since I saw him win the European Featherweight Championship in a memorable fight with Karim Gurfi in February 2022, I thought he was a special fighter. Knocked down so hard in the seventh round that his face was so swollen he could barely move his legs, Gill scored a stunning knockout in the ninth.
I asked him if he wouldn’t mind talking about that terrible night last summer. “No, it’s okay,” Jill said. “I lived in Chatrie but I was with a girl from nearby Ramsey. Everything hit me. I lost the European title [in a shock defeat to the veteran Kiko Martinez in October 2022], my wife and I broke up and things were not going well. I heard a bunch of things from the girls I saw, that I wasn’t training, wasn’t eating well, and wasn’t feeling good. I had no coach, no promoter, no manager, no prospect of a fight. I don’t have anything to show for my career other than a few shiny belts. I’ll be 29 tomorrow. So it hit me like a ton of bricks. “
Gil looked up, vague memories rolling over him. “I got into an argument with this girl, my wife, and I left. I drank a liter of vodka, fell down by a tree, and almost drank the whole bottle. I had never touched alcohol until a month ago. I started Drinking is about having fun, but deep down it’s about numbing stress and pain.”
The vodka made Jill “more sad.” My phone keeps ringing but I don’t answer. ” When I asked Gil if he was considering suicide at the time, he nodded. “Yes. 100%.”
Lucky for him, his ex-girlfriend has his location on her phone. “She came to me,” Jill said. “I remember seeing her but feeling numb. It was a mile to the parking lot and she had to carry me almost the entire way. I couldn’t walk.”
Just over five months after he produced a mesmerizing display of skill and power against Michael Conlan, Gill spoke with raw emotion after the victory in his rival’s hometown of Belfast. “I’ve had a tough year,” he told a stunned crowd of 11,000 at SSE Arena. “Not many people know what I went through. After losing Kiko, I lost touch with myself. My wife and I broke up. On June 30, I was in the fields. I drank a liter of vodka, I wanted to kill myself, someone saved me.”
The silence of Harlow’s room was broken only by the sounds of fighting next door, where his new trainer, Ben Davidson, was training with other boxers. Was that tumultuous night on the Finnish battlefield a decisive turning point? “It took longer, but that was the darkest day and things started to get better from that point on. I thought: ‘I can’t go on like this.’ “But three weeks later, I had another incident in another area.” Did he feel any more hopeful that day at 29? “No, not really. I don’t want that to happen.”
Gill described his second night in the new territory, drinking again from a bottle of vodka, saying calmly: “It was just as bad. I was supposed to go to the wedding of one of my best friends the next day, but I My mom wouldn’t let me go. So I was really frustrated. But, this time, my mom and brother-in-law came to pick me up. She took me to the hospital and tried to get me into counseling, but I chose not to.”
Leigh Wood [the WBA world featherweight champion], saving him from depression. “I called Leigh and told him most of the story. He said, ‘Let me talk to Ben. [Davison] See if you can come to Harlow with us. A week passed and Lee called and said, “We’re going to a training camp.” “Why don’t you fly out and help me train and see how you get on with them. I went to Fuerteventura in August and by the end of September the bad times were over and I was halfway through my show . In October, when the Battle of Conlan was announced, I was all ears.”
The discipline and structure of boxing can change lives lost. “Of course,” Jill agreed. “It got me out of a downward spiral. Leigh won’t understand what he did for me, but I will always be grateful to him and the people who guide me now – Ben, Barry Smith, Lee Wiley – and my dad with family.”
Domestic contests between quality fighters often produce the best boxing matches, and Gill is admirably enthusiastic about the tough challenge Barrett will throw at him in the headline fight at Manchester Arena. Their records are very similar, with Gill losing just twice in 31 fights, while Barrett’s 30-2 record highlights his own experience. Both men are former European champions, but Barrett is already competing for the IBF world title as a recognized super-featherweight. It will be Gill’s second game in the major leagues and he also cedes home advantage to the Mancunian – as he did against Conlan in Belfast.
“It’s just me, him and the referee there,” Gill said wryly, “so the fans can’t fight for him. But he’s so good and it’s going to be my toughest fight yet. I’m super excited and I’m ready for it preparation, because he’s world-class. He moves well and can punch hard and he can dig deep. He’s tough and he’s a big guy. When we came face to face, I thought, ‘Wow, you’re huge. . But it’s not easy for me to make nine stones and four [the super-featherweight limit] So it’s even harder for you. “
“A strong gust of wind would have knocked me over,” said Gil, who was exhausted from his crushing defeat to Martinez, who fell four times. That’s when the downward spiral really started, because promoters didn’t want to know and the phones went cold. My marriage was also put under pressure as I was training in Sheffield and away from home a lot. There was no money coming in and no fights happening.” He and his wife are now more friendly. “It’s mostly my fault,” Jill said. “It’s always like this. But after the Kiko game it was bad because I had no motivation.”
Gill has been boxing since he was four years old and his ambition is often fierce. It reaches its greatest strength in the brutal struggle with Gurfi. How did he withstand such punishment when he appeared to have a concussion, a badly injured knee, and perforated eardrums in both ears? “Everything slowed down because I wasn’t really moving and it felt like I had all the time in the world. It was almost peaceful because I couldn’t hear any sounds and I was just in the moment. I was far behind, He smelled blood, but I found peace in the chaos. I thought clearly: “He’s giving up his [right] He was using his hands when he was punching and he was getting sloppy because I looked more vulnerable. Sooner or later I’m going to land with a right hand. I beat him in the eighth and beat him in the ninth. “
The O2 Arena erupted, with ringside commentators screaming in disbelief. Jill smiled now. “It was huge and the biggest wave of relief and joy you can ever feel. The European Championship is a huge milestone and I achieved it in dramatic fashion.” Gill was taken to hospital. “They asked me to have a scan to see if I had a broken cheekbone because my eye was swollen. But I was clear.”
He excelled at school, achieving nine A’s in his GCSE exams, before taking his three A-levels to gain a place to study law at “some of the best universities in the country”. So Gill was concerned about brain damage that could occur in the boxing ring. “I think about it a lot because you can’t do it forever and there’s a lot of wear and tear. It’s the toughest sport in the world and I want to retire before boxing lets me retire. I want to fight three, four at the most, Even more games.”
He has a close relationship with his father, Paul, an amateur boxing coach. Gill admitted his father wanted him to retire from boxing last year, but they still hoped he could fight for a world title if he beat Barrett. “Every boxer dreams of becoming a world champion, but it often feels out of reach. I’m very close now. It will be special to do it because of what a long and difficult road it has been and how much it has taken me.” The sacrifices and losses, how much support my family gave me.
“I grew up living with my grandfather, who was Sikh. He was an inspirational man, even though some people said, ‘Oh, you can’t box because we’re Sikhs.’ “Generation changes. I know other Sikh boxers who are actually religious but they still fight. I think everyone agrees that if boxing makes me happy, then it must be good.”
Gil has overcome depression, he says, because “I don’t have time to relax because I’m either here or in the gym in Wisbech. I have a lot of exciting things going on, so I don’t think too much . You have to eat healthy food and train hard or you won’t be in any fighting shape. Both of those things can help you feel better about yourself.”
He owns a 300-seat gym in Wisbech focusing on fitness and mental health, and plans to open another in Peterborough soon. Jill is also on the verge of launching a nutritional supplements company, which has come a long way since last summer’s despondency. “I’ve had thousands of messages from people saying: ‘Thank you for what you said because it helped me.'” I’m glad it’s making people more aware of this side of life. “
When I asked Gil if he was proud of what he had done to speak so publicly, he seemed almost shy. “I don’t think it makes me proud. Other people can be proud of me, but I won’t be until the job is done and I’m a world champion.”
In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In the United States, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, chat at 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. In Australia, the crisis support service lifeline is 13 11 14.Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org
