Tom Brady was lampooned by comedians, former teammates and his longtime coach on his Netflix comedy show Sunday night.
“It’s like a football game. You play according to the game plan and then you see how the strategy goes and you adjust on the fly,” Brady said before the three-hour game. “That’s what the locker room has been like to me over the years. So I’m not used to people not making fun of me.
An impressive cast of comedians, former teammates and rivals took to the stage. Host Kevin Hart said before the event that no topic was off limits, and Hart started off by making a joke about Brady’s ex-wife, Gisele Bündchen.
“Gisele gave you an ultimatum. She said you retire or we’re screwed. When you have a chance to go 8-9, the price you pay is your wife and your kids, and you have to do Things you have to do,” Hart said, referring to Brady, who just came out of brief retirement, to play one more season in 2022.
The only time Brady objected to a joke was when Jeff Ross mentioned Patriots owner Robert Kraft and massages. In 2019, Kraft was initially charged with a misdemeanor for providing sexual services at a Florida massage parlor. Prosecutors later dropped the charges after a court banned the use of footage taken by a police camera installed inside the massage parlor.
In the sketch, Ross joked that Kraft gave Brady a massage when he first joined the Patriots. On Sunday, Brady walked up to Rose and said “stop talking that shit” in his ear, but the words were clearly caught on microphones and heard by those watching the roast at home. No one present heard it.
Then, coaxed by Hart, Kraft and former Patriots head coach Bill Belichick took shots together on stage.
Belichick was fired in January after 24 seasons with the Patriots, and much has been written over the past few years about the friction between the six-time Super Bowl-winning coach and ownership.
Kraft joked that it was like a reunion, “unlike a lot of family reunions where I’m trying desperately to avoid some people,” and Kraft praised Belichick for what the two have accomplished.
“I would say this is the greatest coach in the history of football and he did things that no one else did. Having Tom Brady and him is the greatest honor God has given me,” Kraft said.
Rob Gronkowski took a photo together after Belichick and Brady’s monologue. Gronkowski celebrated with a spiked wine glass.
Belichick appeared in a pretaped segment at the beginning of the roast, telling Brady that he was “getting roasted” instead of Drew Bledsoe. In 2001, Brady replaced Bledsoe when he was injured against the Jets and led the Patriots to their first Super Bowl title that season.
“For all the guys who were responsible for the success of the Patriots during the time Tom and I were together – Tom or me – the truth of the matter is that it was both of us because of me,” Belichick said.
Belichick also took aim at Gronkowski. “A lot of people associate me with the phrase ‘do your job,’ and some people do their job. Gronk, I’ve been watching your Fox NFL Sunday show, and I’m begging you, don’t Just stop doing your job,” Belichick said.
Even though the show came to a close, Brady did take pleasure in Belichick’s sacrifice.
“I’ve been out for a minute, so I’m curious, how many Super Bowl rings have you won since I’ve been gone?” Brady said. “Maybe it’s not just the guy on the sidelines. When I go to the Indy 500, I’m not going to ask the winning driver, ‘Hey, did you fill up your car with gas?’
Bledsoe used his own line to attack his successor, which also referenced Brady’s divorce.
“Look, man, you have more rings than I do,” Bledsoe said. “But I’ve experienced some things you’ll never experience: what it’s like to be the No. 1 draft pick in the NFL and the 28th wedding anniversary. That was yesterday.
Brady retorted with a joke that touched on one of the most painful moments in American history.
“Like the rest of America, I will always remember that fateful day in September 2001 when two jets unfortunately struck Drew Bledsoe,” Brady said.
Brady was well prepared, reviewing his monologue with a group that included people from Fox Sports, where he will serve as a commentator. He mentioned O.J. Simpson, who died last month, as he took aim at his longtime rival Peyton Manning, who ended his career with the Denver Broncos.
“When I heard there was a slow white Mustang coming down the 405 tonight, I thought we might actually see a true football legend,” Brady said.
Hart said he thought Brady performed well.
“You have to be able to laugh at yourself, and I love what he’s done in this forum,” Hart said. “I love that he embraces things that some people think he runs away from. It’s a celebration of greatness, and we do it in a fun way.
Bledsoe also said Brady has a sense of humor, but this is a different stage.
“I think he’s very brave. There’s a lot of material to make fun of,” Bledsoe said. “The truth is, when you’re a professional athlete, teasing each other is what we do every day in the locker room. So, you better have a thicker skin.
